I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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