Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
