Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
