SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
