He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
