Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
