Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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