you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize