Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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