I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
