Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
