I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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