I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
