a queef is a wish your heart makes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
