New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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