my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
