Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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