White coat. Heels.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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