Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
