I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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