Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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