Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
