cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
