and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
