he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
