why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize