After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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