Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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