She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
