if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
