Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
