I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize