Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
