Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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