And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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