bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize