I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
