she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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