he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I AM VODKA MAN
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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