Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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