she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize