so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
