His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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