make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
jump out the window naked night went bad
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize