Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
