I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
