so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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