If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
