Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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