i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
