No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
