Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
