he puts the penis in happiness.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize