I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
