I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
