Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
