I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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