I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
