woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize
