i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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