The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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