Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
